one thing that i hate as a pastor is the whole concept that i have to be not human, that my humanity can never show, that i have to be this divine, holy example for all to see. when i read the scriptures, it's cliché, but Jesus wept. when He saw Lazarus had passed; He was sad. when He saw the people who were hungry, He was moved with compassion. as holy and divine as we are, we can never neglect our human side.
i've been feeling sad, and it's very strange. very strange. it feels that i can be so alone at times like i'm just screaming and yelling into a void that i can feel alone like i don't belong. these moments are when God continues to remind me of scripture, that this life that we live is not always going to have us on the mountaintop. like think of the Israelites in the wilderness and the real emotions they were feeling year after year after year wandering, expecting a promise but still never seeing it materialize.
God has told me so many things and pastors and prophets have spoken unto my life, and i'm expecting those things to come to pass, but it's like year after year after year without seeing that promise. that's the only thing keeping me up.
i'm reminded of Paul on trial.
Acts 26:6–7 (ESV)
6And now I stand here on trial because of my hope in the promise made by God to our fathers,
7to which our twelve tribes hope to attain, as they earnestly worship night and day. And for this hope I am accused by Jews, O king!
think about this: Paul faced a life-threatening trial simply because he held onto God's promise. this reveals a profound truth: the promise often comes packaged with wilderness experiences. but remember - every wilderness comes with a promise!
you might be experiencing:
failed relationships
betrayal from mentors
family rejection
workplace struggles
peer judgment
yet all of these challenges can be part of your promised journey.
so take heart, friends. count it all joy. endure like a good soldier. your wilderness is not your final destination - it's part of the path to your promise.
your brother in Christ,
o.